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1. Donuts that are fried in crappy oil get greasy and develop a delicious crunchy crisp and on the outside.
2. Donuts fried in better oil get cakey, fatter , and take longer to eat.
3. Donuts filled with instant pudding are great.
4. Donuts filled with regular homemade pudding are great.
5. Bakers dozen means you get 13 donuts for the price of 12 and it provides one extra to stuff in your mouth before you get out of the shop that won't be missed.
6. When you pay for a dozen and only get a dozen donuts, they are usually bigger and come in wonderful unusual flavors—like hamburger donuts made with vanilla buns, chocolate patty, cream cheese, and green sprinkle relish.
7. Donuts that come out of a machine look like plastic and admittedly a little too perfect, but are evenly coated with glaze and evenly frosted with the exact prescribed amount every time. Sometimes they are still hot and squish into your mouth so easily it is not to be believed.
8. Donuts that are hand made have an extra bite from unusual bumps and an unexpected bit of frosting that drips into the imperfect nooks and crannies that need to be scooped out with your tongue.
9. Donuts in a box from the supermarket have extra preservatives so you can hide them somewhere and you don't have to share.
10. Donuts from the donut shop means that that the whole family knows that you are 'running down to the local shop' for donuts. That means that you get to buy an extra two for eating on the way home that nobody knows about—AND—get first pick for being such a nice guy.
11. There are no inferior donuts.
12. I would only give up donuts if donut shops sold fig squares or creme horns again.
13. My name is John. I am a donutoholic, so; “God grant me the serenity to share my donuts, to accept that there are more in the store, cannot change how they are made, courage to change to less interesting donuts that have no frosting, and wisdom to to give cinnamon buns from a can a fair shake.”